Written with love + care by Drew Henry
1
All I really wanted & craved simply was the hit of nicotine smoke somewhere nice & grunge minded & minimalist, as the rain on the balcony outside laps softly, brushing against my skin… puttering
— music so kindly pouring in with tonalities that verged on feeling like pure euphoria, atmospherically sending electricity waves throughout the entire body — head to toe, surging through the wrist, fingers pressed tightly in the clutch of a cigarette… coming to caressing, polite lips, taking in slightly shy incandescent drags, passing along to someone a little rough along the edges who wanted to bum one…
…meditatively escaping the current numbed state most drifted away in melancholically, rather up & into an evasively fresh realm of thought, mind state & mentality… as well as to scopes of galaxies within & without; people unknowingly, to many besides you, capably holding entire universes within, their deepest fear not their inadequacy… but the power they held within themselves that was powerful beyond measure.
Enlightened beings forge perfect little optimistic trails through seemingly uncrossable stone to new worlds, galaxies & universes designed with architecture premised on brand new thoughts & coping mechanisms, revolving around meditatively decompressing & releasing — slowly absorbing fully & letting go of — all thoughts, pretenses & pressure points on this natural earth we inherited, so we may instead float up to a Heavenly Third Eye Kingdom
— soft swift plunge & light ascent away —
into a domain lying at the heart of the depth of our connectedness to focus… how we focus & gather consciousness, of which we must pivot adrift & channel underlying wave frequencies adept at transferring knowledge, only attainable to the one who is gifted in the art of being a purely & energetically welcoming light, shining & emitting a signal from currents electrically raging through the galaxy, communicating with nature’s wisdom thug & infinite universal dealer, simply finding the connect between wall & cord.
So too, we are meant to shine as lights late at night, to help guide others.
But first, we must know ourselves deeply, as well as intimately enough, to know just where our inner circuits & wires beam, radiating endless energies throughout, flowing within our vibrational bodily shells inwards & outwards into, metaphorically, the gratefully accepting outlet, plugging our needs in knowledge & wisdom, communicated via the outlets
— Earth, Mother Nature, the Universe & Galaxies —
to us lowly Earthly Creatures, as we distance ourselves from low level stillness… instead beaming as one with everything. In this span, one could’ve simply, casually, oh so meditatively & nonchalantly been focusing on their breath, inhaling & exhaling amidst any background setting
— chaotically tinged or amidst semblances of peace —
as one lets go of vague worry, embracing & accepting the great Tao of everything in the eminent line of sight, touch or feel & takes in any & all occasions, sometimes excusing oneself as a matter of politeness to quickly & most deliberately sip some Japanese Tea or steaming hot drip coffee or something iced while pairing this reflective sipping with the quirks & gestures of raising & flicking wrists, repetitively bringing to mind & from mind…
…inhaling & exhaling, as one smokes what seems, to a young bodhisattva like myself, rather reminiscent of how one may very well envision afterlife ecstasy feeling… more distinctly, ecstasy within the afterlife…
…as in death, we find life & so it goes… infinitely onward, as the living must simply keep living to the best of their energy state capacities & levels so that — one day, in all due time — we all may find what we so seek:
the ever Elusive Nirvana & the opportunity to experience sublime pleasures of ecstasy in forever’s afterlife.
2
I’m lost in cathartic noise, buzzing, falling beside me on my sleeve… the fuzzy, warm thoughts — warmest feelings, brightest synergy.
First of all, practice mindfulness… after coffee — take a break, a refrain & repose from the hustle & bustle. Our culture speeds by too rampantly for us to process. To really engage, you must be idle.
Once idle — dwelling on the spontaneity & the impulsivity of everything from a slump — you come out of the cave & brush the leaves out of the way & a subtle clearance so that you may wake… awakening to light & a brand new day.
For me, there’s nothing left to do, except write… to each his own. If I was a music artist, I’d make music.
But I’m a writer… so I write. I used to make music a few years ago, though, too — I play guitar & used to produce & make my own beats (who knows… maybe I’ll start making music again).
At the end of the day, I’m an artist… so I make art. Whoever you are is what you almost always find yourself doing.
I’ll always want to write, produce, draw & who knows… maybe make some indie skate film with an old camcorder — things along those lines. Do whatever you’re good at often enough & you’ll find a way to profit off of the venture.
Engage in — releasing output & absorbing input — what you love the most.
I read something — this or that, here & there — then I write to the noise of any kind of often melodic, bass-drenched, beat-heavy & lush-sounding tune on infinite rotation in my headphones… everything from low key & demo acoustic, to a little more hype & rave energy, to shoe gaze & grunge to punk & indie, to hip hop & country ones.
The music is all there — background noise & something to drain out all of the static… sure, I smoke from time to time, drags off of a cigarette about once every hour… yeah, the coffee remains ever flowing (going to get a cup probably here in a bit — always on my way to brew up something… brewing up some more poetry here now).
Vices act as a crutch to fuel the writing: the little mechanisms, hand quirks, slow sips, ways to catch thought, breath & being. In a reflective way — contemplating this all — I look around, sigh deeply & write… I look around, sigh deeply, & sip… I look around, sigh deeply & smoke.
I stay consistently writing, contemplating & deeply — always deeply & reflectively — meditating on words & inhales & exhales, over & over again & again, always seeing where the pages linger, always trailing steam rising above my mug, always following the smoke lingering. The nature settles in sunlight behind the fog. I settle as the writer who doesn’t care. I mean, I do care… I’m just relatively bored.
So I try to make sense of & clarify thoughts by placing words on paper, going out for a smoke, throwing on some mix of songs by an artist I’m into, setting aside time to read fiction & poetry & whatever strikes a chord & making another pot of coffee & sipping some tea — the decompression, awareness of thoughts & adjustment of chemical balance.
Clarity comes & stays & drifts & flows. These ebbs & flows make us human. The world around us shifts in nature.
The universe sees how we put out efforts — to gain mindfulness, awareness & clarity — so, surely enough, the universe bestows upon us a blessing. Curses turn into lessons & then remedies.
Remedies turn into skill sets & then bliss. Bliss turns into conscious expansiveness.
Consciousness, once tapped into, becomes gently soothed so that we may say hello kindly to the unfolding day, not hide away & avoid. Instead, we put out our arms, tip our cap & bow to the worldly presence as the worldly presence bows to us. We see the purely divine in each other.
As we accept our own faults & scars, we can also see what enlivens the light within our soul — the light itself a cure. The scars fade & disappear… healed. Faults are forgivable, but first we must forgive ourselves… our unique liberation allows us to move ever so freely & creatively.
As we show our most genuine truth — acting according to self realization peaks — we begin to know ourselves & thus humbly exist. We don’t seek some approval or kindness… Simply, we love with & move in kindness because we walk within core dispositions.
At the end of the day… when in light, we are kind, hesitant to boast… sincere; we speak little, but step with a cool hop — the energy, not from external attitudes.
The lightness & glow & ease of shine stems from something way more internal. We throw on a nice outfit… comfortable.
We look good so we feel good & vice versa. We come up on a new pack & iced coffee to face the day. Sometimes we are apprehensive. Sometimes feelings arrive & dissipate. Sometimes all we feel is jarring burden.
We feel weighed down & so too, feel that our weight bothers others. Whether we know it or not, we rarely have any ability to predict weighted days & we can’t predict the light ones. Sometimes we make people’s days, but do not remotely even mean to.
Sometimes we ruin people’s days, but do not remotely even mean to. All you have to remember, is to seek light… kind of how nicotine can only be felt when it is brought to light — stoked in a way, or vaporized, so that chemicals release.
So too, we must burn the fuse properly within our own energetic compartments by doing what we love, with a clear mind & head on our shoulders, so to speak — with nothing but love & gentleness at the forefront of our mind, peacefully pursuing both needs & creative hobbies with equal interest, intent & curiosity.
Conscientiously engaged & absorbed, our minds find the match, stimulating our minds & loosely positively surging in radiant waves & pulses throughout. We light the natural chemical to find release.
We light up, feel & engage with the feelings, letting go, coming back to, connecting to ourselves & the ground beneath & the stars above. We find a tapped into universal wave state.
If we’re able to feel universal wavelengths & then decompress — allowing us to settle — we can achieve what some only achieve by sipping tea & coffee, or smoking… the fiend’s essence, however, is tied down.
But if we can spark this natural energy & light the dark spots — often creative portals — we can harness all that is tangibly bright & then even intangible matter will find a unique way to liven up in body & soul. All of our being will see the inevitable day as something to be so truly grateful for… because our minds & soul will be clear.
Our body will be one with energetic bliss. We will be both cozy & ready to engage. The world poses something & we solve. Nobody abandons us… even though they often go away, the universe is always right there as a willing listener & a genius light source, giving us what we need, momentarily.
We find within ourselves an inherent gem. Self care & self love flows externally as we let ourselves glow within… shining. Others see us, channeling our frequency & our light meets them at first glance.
Rather than make an impression, unfairly, they can’t help but return their light.
The universe may actually be more fair, in the most impartial way, than we thought. We just have to unleash the light within. We just have to find a metaphorical match to light a natural fuse within our beings — our essence the stimulant… properly lit.
As we find what fuels energies within us, we can always find release. We smoke so much & drink so much, but maybe we just had to spark & replenish potential potencies in more pure ways.
Here’s a match, go find & unleash the soothing inner warmth & natural chills & worldly highs & insightful lows. We only need to bask in self love… aware. As we kindly regard ourselves, we glow.
The match I gave you is truly solely yours alone to refuel maximum capacity to kindly approach everything — from yourself to others to daily tasks. All of the meditative aspects just give way to a way of freely focusing with clarity on all that is around us & within us. Sometimes there’s a comfort in energy. We face the day & our mood brightens.
Nothing can stop us because, in the end, we hold galaxies within us — flowing with the currency of the current… like the rivers — intricately connected with wavelengths as they come & go in the universe: one mindful & clearly focused mind state.
3
Eternally bathed in gray, tattered, frayed;
sedated, splat, forever strayed, half jaded;
sedated daze, infinite day, low light shade;
blissful tea haze, steeped seep, it steams;
coffee, wet water, press, drip drop, dream;
pockets packed with snug packs stashed;
smoke plume, ever lit hues, stark contrast;
nightly lilac craves endless ethereal racks;
spliff tinted backwoods, zips, cash stacks;
tape deck, neck tat, sex & checks cashed;
dejectedly flitting & grasping hair strands;
gentle care, aware, stupidly there, so rare;
ambient effervescence, slate mist castles;
sunk, fluttered states, moonlit reefer owls;
arched punk gates, zone bliss stone fields;
astonished, quick withdrawal out of sight;
aura highlights flight over skeptic heights;
nearby drags on the low & thrasher lowlife;
solitude draped, partly twilight’s white flag;
subtly high off girls, the vans a soft brag;
such an endless drag, sad lag, slouch sag;
still dressed in the best, yet so depressed;
witch craft, spells cast whip up a sick hex;
still high off girls wearing vans, the checks;
up to our necks, nothing left, nothing less…
4
So bones pick against the glacier adrift. My sheath won’t break through the stone. Grinding, gears shift on sleet plywood. Where were we… this elemental warehouse?
Fundamental matter grasps cotton thread. Caressing essence of the plain white tee picks at filter denim thrown about knees, scuffed to the touch — a feel of currency.
Soaked water off of foundations seeps into cracks… How does ice melt to seep… settling deep within the internal Earthly seams?
Closing, ice dissipates then freezes again. From dust we are born & to ash we return.
Maybe Hell & Heaven is in coexistence:
Frozen Heat, Warm Ice, Beautiful Balance.
I light the smoke, envisioning my death, lit up & smoked by kings on thrones — one last smoke before the harvest… my bones crumpled down to nothingness & only bits of a Whitman hinted grassy knoll
— leaves of grass & our skin the same, each new skin layer a blade of grass:
the sheet, the paper, the tree, the breath; the skin, the salt, the earth, the plant… So too, surely we reincarnate to another, in a world of overtly natural disintegration, to bone rot & decay to full crush — ash of our bones rising misty eyed above & our skin, laundry returning to the Earth & our soul released by God to angelic overtones (maybe one day to be smoked potently…) as we smoke the smoke that smoked.
We feel like a cigarette in full drag, released by & from our being: the essential existence as ghostly form… maybe we exist in meta galaxies as a plant amidst a larger realm & outer universe.
Surely then, someone could roll up the plant we exist equally as, smoking us wholly up.
We are nothing but littered plant shells.
Who knows if our being turns to plant… maybe we are already a peaceful plant in the whole scope of universal theory — plant matter, not ash & dust… reality is only reality, all at once, all at the same fateful time. We live to die, but death just awakens us.
5
we only live .000000000001% of this whole thing, much much less than that, in the span of the timeline of all universal existence.
the other 99.999999999999% of the time, we live within the pure euphoria of Afterlife.
our body may rot, the disintegration of shell, in & out our graveyard coffins, or we may cremate into ash, but our soul will dissipate in a brand new form in a whole another similar realm. we never really die — feeling destroyed… crumpled like that extra soft worn paper. on Earth, we are secretly dead & in Hell. we’re already dead. when you die, you awake.
no longer in Hell, you realize you’ve been dead a long time.
maybe it’s been Hell anyways, God’s way or the highway… which way? that way.
please shine a light on the whole thing & police shine a light through the tinted windows of these petty thief reefer thugs.
but then it’s just the security guard at the bar… what happened to getting by & being one of the cooler guys around?
guess this world broke me, the women & jobs, the waiting room of it all… i’m dependent upon my family and this organization or that paycheck or disability from the government & the cigarettes flowing in, the income only leading to the day figured out; jot it out in your checking book, nothing working out.
tired, the gloom of not walking out like a high class citizen on the street with all of the strolling freedoms in the world — to move & smoke & sip this and that to the music of it all… it’s all we ever needed.
dear Lord,
save me from dying under a white hot sun… you know, i need the bright side & the bad side as well. always just enough dark to see.
6
Let the flow state slow to a likely zone. Hold the frequency & freeze at middle end, end around & see how things turn out… Round & round, hovering at center — point within a point… the absolute core.
The fire pulls against leaves upstream as if it rips plant to blaze on to cusp all within filter paper, pre rolled class A… ash stumbling into custom ash tray, minds circling, drifting, returning — constant fall to peak to fall to peak… like autumn leaves swaying in wind.
They go back and forth, detaching… no longer feeling connected to tree & only feeling at rest once they touch down.
First, however, they float to the ground. They don’t slam down, they first float.
7
Merciless, scathing contentment… we surely must be happy enough just to be here… sounds flood in. I feel like I’m in an amphitheater.
Then the song just ends in a blur… onto a little more harmonious syncing. It all seems to be space within space. Cigarettes bestow time within time.
As you smoke them, you beg a few hours to be docked later off life at some point so that you can dose yourself a bit with a few head high inducing puffs at the current moment… lagging & sedated, deeply breathing in intoxicating nicotine & breathing out short lived relief.
It’s the ADHD in most of us that turns the experience into a mellow euphoria.
8
Sometimes you reach Nirvana. Sometimes you don’t know where to even contemplate beginning. Sometimes I guess you passed it, not fully aware you went too far.
But always, always, you can pivot, shift direction & realign once again with the elusive, fleeing & freely engaging state referred to as
Nirvana…
sublime oneness & a type of ecstasy, in relation to overall being, relative to all that matters in this universe — everyone & everything: one mutual, together, wholeness… a way to attain zen bliss realities.
˚☽˚.⋆ 
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