Whatever, whatever

Socials are all played out… post one or two reposts a day… if someone dm’s you, reply nicely back… but otherwise just do anything except socials… idk it’s kind of impossible not to be on socials a little bit… life’s boring

Girls run insta & Facebook

appearances matter, what you wear, how your hair falls that day, if you washed up & brushed your teeth, etc. so take care of yourself… wear only the dopest clothes & stay comfy

drugs don’t matter to me anymore… jus stick with smoking cigs & sip coffee

nothing left to do, except read & get caught up with the slower qualities of life… watch some shows & football games, listen to music on repeat & jus slow the pace of this whole thing down a bit… don’t mind the melodrama.

small talk is a banality you don’t ever need to bother yourself with

invest in books, music & clothes

say fuck it to those who don’t care

each & every life means something

everybody’s everything

damn… girls are hot… i’m whatever

ignorance is bliss… discernment of knowledge is wisdom… channel energy

it’s all in how you respond to losses

stay pure in thought… focus on only the most positive aspects of life

the noise the coffee makes from being ground up & aromas of being brewed in the morning wakes me up so nicely

what’s my sis & mom up to? and my dad… that’s all that really matters.

kind gentle softness is the #1 key

beautiful souls coexist gracefully

stay cozy & comfy & listen to the best music… look good, feel good

whatever, whatever… i’m going home… should prolly catch up on South Park

i don’t know, i really don’t know

shouldn’t let the little things get you down everyday… shit don’t matter

i’m tired of the chase of it all… not much to chase anymore. prolly jus staying single for life…

…but isn’t that jus the biggest lie?

it’d be cool though…

when i run low on nicotine or coffee, i feel the life blood sucked out

why is everyone so caught up on so much bullshit… i be straight & sad

jus sad all the time… maybe based & jus grounded in the sad reality of it all… everything means a lot to me, but at the same time i’m so numb

numb + jaded little existence

the girls chatting somewhere down the block… what would they want me to be doing? Prolly making money as a local barista or some shit + bringing home something to bump… but what’s the fucking point of that… i could come up on most things. girls & drugs? umm excuse me m’aam… maybe just some cool church girl who still has her morals?

but what’s the fun if they’re not at least a little slutty…

a girl breaks my heart in her little way, then i take a drag off of the cigarette… the girls up to no good somewhere & life’s still such a drag whether you got one by your side or not…

guess being on SSI Disability is cool enough, but what’s 1100$ a month… Need a job perhaps… but who hires at a decent enough salary for part time

— Bipolar I Schizoaffective with OCD + heavy PTSD in case you were wondering… maybe Kanye was right: that it’s a superpower… sometimes though, with meds, it jus feels like a never ending depression with mania simply as a mask to cover the sadness

but really, what girl wants a younger Charles Bukowski & Kurt Vonnegut type — i look a little better than the two of them, but i’m like a flight risk

maybe i’m jus a young Jack Kerouac, a beatnik who’s beyond his time. Who knows… maybe i’m ahead of my time.

imma pacifist & i’ve never passed a fist… past the 6th… 6:09 PM & i still could use a 5th… not a drop of liquor around & coffee will have to make do… anything to attain a little dopamine.

the whole thing’s jus tiresome, but at least in a cool way… i need the energy of divine femininity…

who knows, maybe once i’m outta this little shelter & have a place of my own, they’ll come around a bit more

who cares though?

‘who cares’… $NOT had that as his insta bio for a while

he’s always wearing his hoodie like Kenny… hoodie strings pulled tightly so it’s nice & snug… tbh i should start watching South Park again

i used to actually live in a place called South Park, where the zoo’s at in San Diego

so much worse & better then

so much worse & better now

2015 cigarettes changed the game

candy flipping & ski club did too

made it all a bit cooler

days on the upper west side of NYC to years & years on the West Shore of Tahoe… scenery of cities that never slept, bars, gas stations, coffee shops, bodegas, lakes & mountains.

it could all feel so nonchalant & relaxing… don’t over extend yourself

here we go again… little quibbles

used to dribble the ball a while back in high school… now i jus toss cigarette butts into ash trays

what’s the point? just so over it & these girls basically left me for dead so i’m jus doing the only thing i can do, a little drag off the cig because it seems like enough people in my life inadvertently told me to take a hike or jus kill myself altogether a little bit, so i’ll jus enjoy my cigarette instead… it’s all you got sometimes down in the mud

she’s wearing a white tea with the all black goth nails & walks through a sprinkler… on accident or purpose? damn, what the fuck, i can’t… so i walk up the street & buy swisher sweets, two of those new black & mild cigarillos they got (the F T variety) & a pack of Lucky Strikes… what’s a boy to do… these girls are too cute & my life may as well be withered into a nicely crafted ash tray of sorts.

cremation & the ash off my cigarette & nicotine filtering into my black hearted lungs all the same. at least i’m choosing my way out in the long run. it’s only a matter of time. But honestly, thank God for cigarettes & coffee. it’s the only thing getting me through one fuck up to the next. life feels kind of fucked up so we (at least usually) get fucked up.

i’ll settle for the boring, bitter sweet melancholic ecstasy of a cig.

could be so cute. the two of us, you know. most of the time i’m pretty balanced with a mellow temperament. the only bipolar thing that really happens is i get too stoked off of my sadness & connect everything to each other with lots of loose associations

i find a million things all at once to be the coolest thing ever, but my brain speeds up to unbearable levels

the only bout of psychosis i ever had was weed induced. so i’ve only had maybe three spliffs the last 6 years.

been clean off stimulants & staying clean off stimulants… a grind whether you’re employed or still unemployed.

good bye weekend.

we work on something new everyday…

…all of us.

that girl didn’t deserve any sort of mistreatment by that older gentleman

i’m a protective person, but no way could i save any girl… hopefully she doesn’t stray too far from her safe haven & handles herself well wherever

reading books & listening to CDs is a cure… iPhones are cool, but my screen time like 14 hours thanks to a solid 8 hours of sleep each night, at least

i need a cold drink: some Yerba

little movements, flick of the wrist & flutters of the heart

feels good to be stuck in between a rock & a hard place & i mean that little expression in the best way…

like i love the cold, the stone & all of the rocks in the ground… to be cool, you have to wear a cool fit. when it’s cold, you can pimp out your attire… at least in the Fall & Winter

nothing left to do… maybe if i made time for more reading, i’d be happier

but i don’t even like reading that much… i jus like the pleasurable act of writing & listening to my tunes

tune in & tune out per usual

kicking rocks & kicking it

throw up the rock on sign then the three fingers up love sign

where were we at? who shot Cupid?

sir, why do we live jus to die?

all he could say was… cigarettes help you come to terms with that i think