Thoughts & Thots

damn bruh

sometimes we skirt or curb girls

sometimes we crave the touch badly

the warmth, the softness

sometimes girls skirt or curb us

sometimes they crave the touch badly

the feeling of being close to someone they trust

the way they laugh & run fingers through their hair

the way they dress & their little idiosyncrasies

feels like Heaven sent an angel your way

when you fall in love

doesn’t happen all of the time

unless it’s jus infatuation or a crush

so cherish the times you do fall in love

shows your heart hasn’t died yet

felt numb & heart broke for so long

heart’s starting to feel shit again

maybe i actually believe in real love again

she clutters my head

Hell showing your soul to a girl

she’ll stomp on it

share her heart & soul with another

so here i am smoking another cigarette

sipping more beer & vodka

because, what the fuck,

that 2009 film Jenifer’s Body was kinda fucked up

can’t hope for anything more

than for a girl’s safety & sanity & cozy comfort

i don’t think any girl will ever be mine

i love girls so much though

breaks my heart i’m never quite enough

listening to Void by Pouya again

the drugs wore me out

i wear some old outfit from forever ago

always keep a little shit on me to help cope

the music was there when she left me

high & dry… i’m high, furthest thing from dry

a lil Budweiser at the evening cinema

girls are kinda wild… sad boys stay in their bag

guess i could only dress well

guess i could only pimp out the place

guess i’m nothing to you

guess i’m something thanks to vices

guess i’ll still always be nothing

a gram & a balcony convo

poolside convos about our summer last night

everybody talking… but life pays no mind

i gotta smoke this shit bitch

…get shit off my mind

wearing a crew neck in summer

hardly ever don’t feel cool in the heat

guess things were alright growing up

always jus wanted to believe in love

but when love made me numb

i turned to drugs to feel anything at all

some say drugs are from the devil

but i think God made them for the sad boys

and the bad bitches always pulling up

i was never much of anything besides a junkie

for bumps on bumps with iced coffee & smokes

i still believe in love, jus a numbed out version

i love girls, but maybe i’ll stay single forever

i’d give my life up for the homies

but one girl could rip me in two

listening to Nico & i get it

Chelsea Girl & all of that

the drugs have always been a temporary fix

for a lifelong problem… pain & attachment issues

like nobody ever loved me to begin with

like nobody ever belonged to me

some Frank Ocean plays

& i think love is about more than that

maybe it’s in how energies pair together

maybe it’s not the best sex, maybe it is

love to me is a fickle thing

i got my family & o.g. homies

i’ve started to feel a lil trickle in my heart though

like it actually still beats for the soul of another

like my soulmate actually exists out there

a girl that’s my best friend in the universe

so i won’t give up on a real love

the drugs always on deck

but i’m really jus waiting on a crush

smoking & sipping in the spare time

a key bump or line always picked me up

but a girl could really save me

not that i’ll give up the drugs

& not that a girl could really ever save me

but sometimes i think about this girl or that one

and my reason to breathe exists all over again

i’m nothing but a degenerate broke boy

brokenhearted listening to smokedope2016

but girls will always be the reason

the reason for art & emotions & decompression

i am nothing… a nobody at heart

but maybe some girl will fall for lil stupid old me

and i’ll be able to take her to the moon & stars

for now i’m jus a dead boy under a misted moon

wondering how i’ll summit the next peak

wondering how i’ll get by on next to nothing

wondering how i’ll ever fall in love

knowing that i’ll always already stay in love

with almost every girl that crosses my path

maybe i was jus meant to smoke & sip

and to mind my business

and vibe out into the sunset

coffee to wake me up at dawn

maybe a little Zach Bryan on the speakers

and the kids are all alright

and the girls are all alright

so i guess imma be alright

nothing a shot & cigarette can’t remedy

the cure is in love that does not expect in return

guess it’s unrequited love from afar

or maybe i’m jus vibing all by my lonely again